The Tale of the Terrifying MONSTER
by Andine
Summary: COMPLETED A story written by my friend Jessica, really brilliant, and funny... (longer summary inside)Maxie and Canaley are on a quest to kill the evil Cyakobsen (revritten chapter 1)
1. Of castles ond drainholes

Summary: This is a story written by a friend of mine, Jessica, she based all the characters on my (our) friends... The story is a mix between a lot of books/ movies I have read like dealing with dragons, Greek mythology(sorta), and the hobbit (there are probably more, but I wouldn't know for sure since I didn't write it.

The characters:

Canaley, is Ashley; cuz, well she happens to... I'm not gonna say this, It'll have to stay a joke between those that knows.

Maxie is Maxine, not much trouble there.

Joss leen, is Joicelin, cuz thats what we call her,

The weird little guard with the singing problem (leendah) is Linda, cuz she keeps singing the pink Panther song, and walking around to it so much :D.

Hades is Hae Bin, which comes from Jessica's fantasy, a nickname she made about a year ago...

AND I, the most wonderful person on Earth, (just kidding) am the monster Cyakobsen. C cuz of first my name, Caroline, and Yacobsen cuz of my last name, with the Y cuz Hades (Hae Bin) felt like changing every J in her vokab into a Y.

**The Tale of the Terrifying MONSTER**

Once upon a time in a world not too far from here, there lived two best friends, Canaley and Maxie. But Even though Canaley and Maxie are such great friends, they always seem to disagree with each other. They worked together as monster slayers like Buffy the vampire slayer....except not.

Now one day while Canaley and Maxie were arguing about Canaley's "thing" with Canadian guys, there came a knock above their drainage hole that they lived in. Two faces appeared, "Uh...excuse me," said one of them. "Another villager has been taken away by the monstrous big fat one, Cyacobsen and her helper, the little skinny one, Joss leen."

"Yea," piped the other curious yet irritated face, "We want something to be done right away, I repeat, right away! And if something is not done, we shall take you two away from your precious little drainage hole and put you in a fancy big castle instead, I repeat, fancy big castle instead. So you guys better start cracking, I repeat, better start cracking!"

With that the two pixie-shaped villagers pushed the drainage lid back to it's original place and stomped away. And by stomped away, I mean literally stomped away.

"Well," said Canaley, "That was something,"

"No," disagreed Maxie, "Those were not something but pixies."

"sure..," sighed Canaley, "If only those were hot Canadian guys, then I would be partying with them by now."

"We absolutely positively MUST do something about this. Why, this is an outrage! I absolutely positively will NOT move to a big fancy castle, those are for poor people only and we are absolutely positively NOT poor!"

"Actually... we kind of are... but sure." Canaley shrugged, "so we journey over to Cyacobsen's cave and go through all the boring pain in the behind of killing her? I'm not doing it. I almost got killed last time fighting hades."

"RIGHT, you guys were just playing chess last time. Anyways, glad you mentioned her, we could use some of her help."

"hades? I don't think so, this world is too cold for her, so get real. And besides, I'm not going, I would rather live in a castle then go through one of those horrid adventures again."

"Uh... Cyacobsen's cave is only a few drain holes away, I don't call that much of an adventure. Also," gleamed Maxie, "There might be cool Canadian dudes trapped in Cyacobsen's gave waiting for you to rescue them. You know how much Cyacobsen likes to torture them." Maxie stopped trying to pick her toenails and looked up for a response, Canaley had climbed out of the drain hole already leaving only a note behind which said, Be Back In A Few, Gone To Get Hades. Maxie smiled to herself; sometimes it was just too easy.

Canaley entered where Hades lived, Hell. As she walked deeper and deeper, she started seeing more and more crumpled pieces of paper.

"AHH!!" Came a frustrated cry from Hade's room. Canaley found Hades slouched over her desk writing something with a lot of force.

"What are you doing here?" Hades asked without turning around, "Cant you see I'm very busy?"

Canaley slowly walked towards her. "Busy doing what?"

"I'm writing a resignation form. I'm giving up, being the master of the underworld sucks, way too much pressure."

"What??" exclaimed Canaley, "But you can't! If you do, who's going to be the ruler of the underworld? And most important of all, WHOS GOING TO ALLOW ME TO COME TO HELL TO BE WITH ALL THE AWESOME CANADIAN DUDES??"

"I don't know, for all I care, my dog can be the ruler, even he can take over better than I can."

"that's not true and you know it!" Suddenly Canaley remembered her purpose for coming here. "Maybe you need a break, you know, get out of Hell for awhile. Come with me and maxie to our quest. We have to kill Cyacobsen and probably her helper, Joss leen."

"Well..." Hades hesitated.

"Come on, it'll be fun." Urged Canaley

"Ok, I'll come, I do need a break from hell. Wait while I get my jackets and coats."

"YAY!" cried Canaley, "Promise me one thing though,"

"what?"

"Don't touch any of the Canadians, they're all mine."

Hades cracked a smile and grabbed her clothing, and then they linked arms and skipped out of hell.

Canaley and Hades arrived back at the drainhole to find Maxie picking her toenails again.

"MAXIE, when are you EVER going to quit that habit? Its disgusting you know." Cried Canaley.

"no, it is NOT disgusting, in fact, it is quite in you know. Picking your toenails is the new licking your nostrils. Don't you EVER read any up to date magazines?" Said Maxie to Canaley while still trying to pick her toenails.

"Yes, in fact I do read up to date magazines. I read 'H.C.D.' hot Canadian dudes, coolest magazine EVER. And last months issue talked about this TOTALLY hot guy called Derick. It said something about him being captured or something. I hope Cyacobsen has him. O yea, that reminds me, the next issue should be coming along soon, cant wait."

"Anyways," Maxie stood up. "Lets get moving, where's hades, oh there u are, didn't see you, you shouldn't stand next to the closet with all those coats, it camouflages you. Ok, lets go."

And the three climed out of the drain hole and so began their loooooooong and adventurous (sortof) journey.

5 steps later... 10 steps for Hades because she was wearing 5 layers of jackets, 4 layers of coats, 3 turtle necks, 3 scarves, 6 pair of pants, 4 pairs of socks, and wrapped around with 3 thick cotton blankets to keep her warm.

"We have finally arrived." Said Hades as she stared at a magnificent cave; it was decorated with ugly jewelry.

"Yea, whew, that sure was tiring." Canaley said out of breath.

"One problem though.." Maxie whispered afraid to awake the thing that was curled in front of the cave.

Too late.

"WHO DARES GO THERE" said the thing. And then it started doing something noone could ever imagine. It started singing and taking big steps. "do do, do do, do dooooooooo" (an: this is supposed to be the pink panther song)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the three of them yelled together and they ran all the way back to their drain hole.

"What was that??" whimpered Canaley. Canaley had hid under the couch immediately after missing the drain hole ladder and falling down.

"I'm not sure...but it was making a very strange sound..." said Hades who just arrived and fell down the hole too. It didn't hurt because of the layers but she also couldn't sit down.

Maxie got down from standing on the three-meter high table. The table is sort of like an emergency table. If they ever saw any mouse of some kind, they would all climb on the table, and by climb, I mean literally climb. There was only one problem though, no matter how hard Canaley tried, she just wasn't able to make it up that table. So lately it was kind of Maxie's secret hiding place for Canaley could never see all the way up there...unless she climbed on the drain hole ladder of course, but she was too stupid to figure that out.

Anyways, as I was saying, Maxie got down from standing on the three-meter high table, "We have to face that thing no matter what. I am not moving to a castle even if it means the end of my life."

Canaley got up, "Well, fine."

"Great, lets go." Maxie started walking towards the ladder, glad that she didn't have to argue with Canaley just this once.

"No, I mean fine, I will kill you. I'd rather kill you than face that thing again." With that, Canaley took out a knife from her secret utility belt and started charging towards Maxie.

Two steps later, Canaley tripped over a superman action figure that she had been playing with just two days ago. Normally, Canaley wouldn't be playing with action figures but this was an exception because she heard late rumors that Superman was partly Canadian. "Darn!" cried Canaley in pain.

Hades sighed, "At least it was one step closer than last time."

Maxie rolled her eyes, "I would give her credit but it isn't much of an improvement since each of her steps were only 1 inch each.

Canaley glared at her in embarrassment, "What are you guys talking about, I was only practicing my tripping skills. Who knows, it might come in handy one day; you wont be laughing then.

Maxie looked at Hades and together they totally cracked up.

Canaley tried to change the subject, "Didn't you guys want to go back to that thing? Come on, hurry up." Canaley pushed Maxie aside and climbed up the stairs, stumbling carelessly a few times.

Calming down, Maxie uttered a sentence, "omygosh, she totally KILLS me."

Once again, they started laughing uncontrollably.

A few minutes later, they arrived looking at the cave again.

"I...must...never...do...this...again!" panted Canaley and then she fainted.

Canaley woke up to the scent of a VERY smelly sock. (Probably Hades, since she never washes them and has so many pairs to spare.)

"AH-," Canaley was cut short because Maxie's hand was over her mouth.

"Get your stinking hand off me, it smells of your toenails!"

"Sh...!" whispered Hades urgently. "Do NOT wake that thing again."

Once again, too late.

"WHO DARES GO THERE??" came the loud thundering voice again. And once again the thing stood up front its sleeping position and did the same weird dance. "Do do, do do, do do do do dooooooooo...." (an: again, the pink panther theme song)

This time Maxie bravely stepped forward, "Who are you and please stop acting like a mad man."

The thing stopped in its tracks. And suddenly as if on cue, it turned around and stuck it's butt up. There plastered on its butt were the letters LEENDAH in big fat gold letters. Then she stood up, faced them again and bellowed in a loud frightening voice, "NONE SHALL PASS!!"

"Alright, we get your point," replied Canley in a bored tone. "Can we go now? Leendah over here has already made it clear we're not going to pass. By the way Leendah, is that song from pink panther? Love it."

"No," Maxie took another step closer, "We must not give in." Maxie then drew her sword. "Uh..." stuttered Hades, "I don't think that's such a good idea..."

Maxie again took another step closer, ignoring that last comment. "Hey leendah, if you don't move, I shall kill you with no mercy."

Leendah stepped forward and drew her sword too, once again hollering, "NONE SHALL PASS!" And the battle begins.

An: I re updated the chappie, cuz my friend, Jessica said the first one was too short.... Now all I have to do is to make sure Linda never reads this, she'll kill me, although for once I haven't done anything wrong impish grin (this time I actually mean it) but I do have a feeling shell kill me annyhoo sighns if not for revenge, then for the fun of it...

Oki enough of my babbles... REVIEW! That was a command...


	2. CHAPTER 2 we are all gonna die, cyacobse...

An: chapta 2 is up…. And guess what I show up in this chappy, so hold your nose,mind you, I am not like Cyacobsen in reality.

Jessica: (couchcouchcouch) I wrote you like that for a reason you know… :D

An: (whacks Jessica)

Jessica: (Whacks back)

so on an so forth, I have rambled enough

The first few seconds passed with noone hurting the other, then suddenly, Maxie flung her sword straight forward and ka ching, it hit right on Leendahs shoulder and Leendah's whole arm fell off. The one not holding the sword of course. Maxie lowered her sword, "Now can we pass?" she mocked. Surprisingly, Leendah bellowed again, "NONE SHALL PASS!"

Maxie dodged just in time to avoid a blow from leendah. "But your arm is gone and you're bleeding like crazy!!"

Leendah swung her sword at Maxie again, this time almost cutting her. "It's just a little scratch."

Maxie looked at Leendah, "Very well then," and with another blow, she sliced Leendah's other arm off. Maxie then kneeled down to ask Zeus for forgiveness; but BAM something sharp dug into her ribs. Maxie looked up instantly and to her surprise and anger, THE FREAKIN LEENDAH WAS STILL ALIVE and KICKING her too.

Leendah snickered still kicking Maxie, "Bet you didn't know I could kick."

This is when Maxie started to steam, "Stop kicking me this instant!"

Leendah continued to kick, "Why won't you fight back? Are you SCARED?"

Maxie lost it, "AHHH!!!!" And in one swing, she sliced both of Leendah's leg off. Maxie cooled down immediately, "There, you happy now?" And with that Maxie linked elbows with both hades and Canaley and together they flaunted their butts and went past the fustrated still alive body of Leendah. Not shockingly, the head still didn't' give up, "COME BACK HERE YOU FOOLS! Are you guys too CHICKEN to face me? MM??? bach bach bach(imitation of chickens). I'LL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF!"

Leendah caught her breath, feeling very disappointed in herself. Never has anyone beaten her, but then another thought interrupted the first one, "hmm….sort of hungry…." And so Leendah shuffled off to Mcdonalds while still singing the Pink Panther song.

(an: hahahah, that is my favorite part)

"Alright, we passed the guard and her pink panther tune," said Maxie rolling her eyes, "You guys were SOOO helpful."

Canaley smiled sheepishly, "Well knowing how good you are, we knew you didn't need any help so…"

Hades cut in, "uh guys…"

The two stopped talking long enough to turn around. There in front of them was an enourmous bling bling, and by ENOURMOUS, I mean ENOURMOUS. It was the size of an elephant, smack right in the middle of the cave that they had entered.

Out of nowhere, there suddenly came a voice singing, "I see things, I see them with my eyes. I see things, they're often in disguise. Like Derick, Derick, Derick, Derick, GUALA LUMPAR, Derick, Derick, Derick, GUALA LUMPAR…." The voice carried on and got louder and louder every second. But the owner of the voice didn't appear, instead, in his/her place, a little skinny dude covered in bling blings shuffled out. "Yo, yo, yo, what's up bro bros."

All Hades, Maxie, and Canaley could do was stare.

"Dudes, bring it, what you all doing here fer?"

Again, they stared.

"me name's Joss leen, me real cool, so not a fool, but don't drool, cause I aint an idol…yet.

For the third time in a row, they stared.

"Aight, what's with you peeps."

Finally, Canaley stepped up, "Let me handle this."

BOOM!

**_SHOW TIME!!!_**

( Jessica: kinda lame but people, you all gota feel this with beats or else this won't work)

Canaley: yo yo, what's up little twit (lol, got this from Linda), wheres your first aid kit? How often you in pain, are you sure you're even sane?

Joss Leen: Cool, cool, Ok. Whats with that hat that looks like a cat? Your face so ugly, it should be a vase. How's your mood? Cause I'm sure feeling good. YAH ME?

Canaley: Long time no see, is that a bee? Wait. That's just your nose, what a hose? Wahs off all the snot, better pretty like me than not!

Joss Leen: Sweet, neat, now follow my beat! Yeah, yeah, girl, I wanna hurl. I know you don't nick, cause you make people sick.

Canaley: Uh….

Joss Leen: No more? Well, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like its better than yours, damn right, its better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to charge!

"Oooo…." Hades and Maxie both said in unison, "it seems Joss Leen has won this one," sighed Maxie, disappointed in how bad a monster slayer her partner was.

"NO!" excalaimed Canaley, "I'm not finished yet!"

But before she had a chance to prove herself, the voice singing "I see things, I see them with my eyes" entered the main part of the cave where they all were. The three newcomers stared and stared, never have they stared so hard for right before their eyes stood a HUMONGUS SEVEN FOOT TALL monster, with puny tiny, black, devil likewings, huge sharp fangs which appear to be too big for her monstrous mouth, and whats that? She has GARLIC BREATH!!!

(AN: I DO NOT HAVE BAD BREATH!!!

Jessica: sure you don't coughcoughcough)

"ewww…" Hades grimaced, even under all the layers, she felt the smell getting to her. "WHAT!!!???" bellowed the fat ugly monster, who was known as Cyacobsen. "Yo Majesty, she just said ew in your face dog," in formed Joss Leen who was very loyal to Cyacobsen.

"I KNOW WHAT SHE SAID!!" said the now boiling monster. And slowly, VERY slowly, Cyacobsen inched towards the big bundle of clothing which is hades.

5 minutes later, Cyacobsen finally got within 1 meter of Hades. But by then she was so tired, she had to use all her strength just to talk. "I…am…very…angry…but…I…won't…hurt…you…yet…because…uh………I…uh…….am…a…very…kind…monster…" (……pant pant) Cyacobsen was so tired, she plopped down right there and then. The whole cave shook for 10 minutes under her weight and all the others could do was keep from falling. Cyacobsen stood up, "ahh…that felt relaxing.. Now the battle can officially begin. What contest shall we have?"

Hades recalled her most talented skill and took a step forward, "A BURPING contest."

Cyacobsen couldn't believe her luck and grinned, "Sounds good." and so they started...

AN: that is it for now… so just R/R :D


	3. THE END! but wach out for that garlic

An: here is da burping contest… GO ME burp

Cyacobsen: Burrp Burrp Burrp lalala, Burp, uh huh, Burrrrp. Oh yea!

Crowd: (silently tensed)

Joss: that's my boss y'all!

Hades: Do it like this, uh huh, B b b burp! Burrrp! Shake it! BBUrp!! BURP! BURRRRRRRRRP!!!! Gulp; BURRRRRRRRRRRRP!!!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Joss: (looks down)

Cyacobsen: BURP!! BURRRRRRRRP!! YAH ME?? BURP BURP BURP BRRRRP!! BBBUUUURRRRPPPPP!!! OH YEA!!! BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!

Crowd: (silent)

Joss: (silent)

Cyacobsen looked around and realized she was the only one left standing. Around her a sickly green gas filled the cave and cyacobsen realized that she forgot to brush her teeth this morning…, "uh oh…" she thought, willing her mouth to stop letting bad breath out, but the garlic smell got so bad she herself fainted too.

A while later when all the gas disappeared, they all started awakening. "ewww… that was just plain nasty." Said Canaley still gasping for air.

"Yea, totally," agreed Hades who was glad she didn't meet the challenge. Who knew Cyacobsen could have such REVOLTING breath?

Maxie stood up looking to look around for the stinkiest monster she has ever encountered. Cyacobsen was not hard to spot for she took up ¼ of the part of cave they were in. All of them were awake and on there feet now.

"Ok, Canaley, let's kick some butt" said Maxie ready for some action. She drew out her sword waiting for Canaley to draw out hers. But instead, Canaley drew out a……..piece of licorice.

"Here Cyacobsen, candy, Cyacobsen."

Maxie rolled her eyes in disbelief, "CANALY!! What do you think you're doing?

Canaley ignored Maxie and continued, "Cyacobsen, I'll make you a deal. If you hand over Derick, don't lie cause I know you have him. If you hand over Derick, I will give you all these yummy red licorices. Mind you, they're not cheap, 20 quai for one piece.

(an: Yum, I love licorices, I wonda how she knew :D)

Cyacobsen slowly considered this while Maxie stood there in disbelief, "Canaley, are you crazy? Who cares about a stupid guy? This is a MONSTER! We came here to KILL, not MAKE DEALS!!!!!" But no one paid any attention at her for Cyacobsen started moving, she went out of the main part of the cave and in less than 5 minutes came back. But instead of coming back herself, she also dragged a young hot Canadian guy with her. Derick. "AHHH!!!! ITS DERICK!!:D:D:D:D:DLD:D" cried Canaley who has never experienced such joy.

Derick looked up and immediately focused on Canaley for he had never seen such poggyness and immediately got attracted.(Poggyness means someone who has the characteristics of a dog and pig, just like Ashley(canaley)). In fact, Derick so overwhelmed by Canaley's poggyness, he immediately broke free just to be closer to her. Canaley could not believe her eyes "OH DERICK!!!" Derick kept running towards her, "OH POGGY!!!". Canaley just couldn't' wait for Derick to get here so she decided to run towards him too. But before she could even take one step Cyacobsen who suddenly reacted very very very fast, ran ahead of Derick and stood right in front of Canaley, "Hand the licorices over!" she demanded. This caused a collision; Derick, who had no time to stop running, crashed into the behinds of Cyacobsen who in turn sprawled on Canaley who fell smack down on some of Joss's bling blings. Canaley groaned in pain, "ooowww…". Wasting no time, Maxie quickly rushed upon the muddle of people, monster, and hot guy, and with one large hand motion, raised her sword and plunged it deep down into Cyacobsen. Everyone froze, and you could of heard crickets chirping when suddenly the silence was interrupted with a big fart. Cyacobsen turned a shade of red, "oops….." and rolled off canaley in pain, "AHHH!!!! HELP ME!! AHHH!!!!..." In about 5 seconds, Cyacobsen deflated into a little elf. "ahhh!!! help me!! Ahhh!!!" and with that Cyacobsen ran out of the cave and was never seen again. Joss Leen stared at them in pure horror and was about to follow her master out when this crazy girl walked in blocking her path. The girl looked around, "hmm…..whats up people, this is Jessica and I seriously don't know what to do with Joss Leen. So uh.. I have decided to enter the story just to stall time while I think, yea… Oh and also, I'm here to inform you guys, USHER ROCKS BIG TIME!!! I LOVE USHER RAYMOND, OH YEA!!!"

Hades, Canaley, Maxie, Derick, and Joss Leen all stared at Jessica. Jessica just stared back and when she got tired of staring, she whipped out a boom box and pressed the play button. Within a few seconds the whole cave thumped with beats from "U TURN"(by Usher). Everyone started dancing and partying as if nothing ever happened. They all got high off coke and slowly fell to the floor drunk in deep sleep.

The next day….

All awakened forgetting EVERYTHING that happened the day before…. "AHH!!! ITS DERICK!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D" Canaley screamed with pure joy. Derick sat up looked around and there a few feet from him was the most Poggy girl he had ever seen. He fell in love with her immediately. "Hey poggy, wont you be my gf?"

(an: take note he does not even know her name, If I know Canaley, and I do, he will end up hating her within the next two days… grins evilly so then he can join the club)

Canaley's heart was about to burst, "OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU!!!!!" Derick smiled his special smile and Canaley's heart melted. They both got up from the ground and linking hands, walked out of the cave together.

Maxie stood up still in shock from seeing Canaley and Derick's scene, but she was also very dazed, "Why am I here? What the heck? I thought I was still picking my toenails, wah??" Being very confused, Maxie slowly walked out of the cave back to her drainhole and continued picking her toenails.

Hades was also very confused being in a cave. After seeing Maxie walk out she also got up and returned to hell smiling and thinking home sweet home because though she didn't know why, she felt like she hadn't been in hell since forever.

As for Joss Leen, she awoke earlier than all of them and feeling very very very befuddled, went in search of her boss. She has stumbled upon a elf once but she never ever found her boss and to this day is still searching.

THE END

And by the way, in case you were wondering, Jessica just disappeared after the party.


End file.
